waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
