Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
