Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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