Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
