God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
