Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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