I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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