Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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