okay pat passed out under dana's car
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
