You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
