I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
