when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
