I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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