is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
