Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
