If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
