Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
