Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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