There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
