He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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