sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
