cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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