I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
