I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
