I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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