can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize