Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
