Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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