Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
