I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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