We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
