I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
