She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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