why didn't you poke me back
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
