My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
