Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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