Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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