When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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