now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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