matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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