she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
