I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
