Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
