I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
