I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
