Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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