come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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