Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
