We're like a lot better than the average bears
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
