it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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