Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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