Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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