Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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