I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
