i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
