Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
