Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
