I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That's intense
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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