While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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