matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
