He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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