I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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